The ridiculousness of life-you gotta just laugh at it

Some days, I really truly wonder about the world and how people can be so stupid and/or offensive. For example, I received a call today from a real estate appraiser who was seeking my help reaching a client of mine. I had told him several times that this client has never returned any of my phone calls (apparently, she is only comfortable talking to my associate Steve) and that when and if she called me, I'd tell him. So, he calls back today and before his usual questioning about her, he starts questioning me about the pronunciation of my name. He then starts to ask if it's a Hebrew or Yiddish name and he didn't ask in it in the inquisitive, wide eyed wonder way that would make me less suspicious of his motives. Now, we both live in New York. There are more Jews in NY than in any city on earth and what's more, any cursory checking of a Manhattan phone book turns up hundreds..NAY, THOUSANDS of Levys. So, his question strikes me as either insincere or purposely offensive. I'm just very glad that he's not a client and I can actively ridicule him as the ignorant bigot he likely is.

And if that were not enough, I read today that Hamas is using a Mickey Mouse clone to indoctrinate Palestinian youth into hating America and Israel. Now, I'd be more upset if I didn't already consider Mickey an evil rat already. But considering his years of abuse toward Donald and his complete lack of a sense of humor-I mean, have you seen a Mickey Mouse cartoon that was actually FUNNY?-I just find it hysterical. I just wonder if Hamas realizes that Walt Disney was allegedly an anti-semite. I also wonder if they knew that the Loony Tunes were Jewish created and influence and that's why chose Mickey over Bugs.

Or maybe they just didn't like that he'd occasionally dress up like a girl bunny.

Hey..anyone still reading this?

Considering I haven't posted in three months, I can't believe anyone is. Anyway, after reading my soon-to-be sister-in-law's blog (how about that for hyphens galore?), I decided to re-enter the world of blogging both here and my less sophisticated other blog. Not gonna recap the last three months of my life here, as those who know me probably have heard it all, and those who don't, well, I'll just say that where I was in January is a far cry from where I am today. And I say that in a good way. But alas, you shall hear me, see me and perhaps even smell me through this blog again! Let the year of Mike continue!

I can see why cults are popular

Sad to say, I've never really been targeted by cults (unless you consider the Lubovitch Jews a cult, which many do.) But after listening to a speaker at CLE course I attended yesterday, I can see why people tend to gravitate toward cults and "cult-like" figures who offer easy answers to far from easy problems. The speaker in question was discussing ways to streamline the process of obtaining clients, but really what he was talking about could be applied to any situation. Of course, even though his ideas were fairly easy to understand, that didn't stop him from offering a more "advanced" class on the matter-which of course costs an additional price. Not for me, thanks. What I will take away from it most was his comparison of fishing and attracting business. "You have to go where the fish (clients) are-they aren't going to come to you." True-but seeing as I always hated fishing, I probably should think of some other analogy to motivate me.

Random thoughts and complaints

-The Golden Globes on Monday had exactly two compelling moments to it. The first was probably missed by a vast majority of the viewing audience, but when they were cutting to commercial, they show Puff Daddy (that's his name and I don't care what anyone else, including himself, thinks) and Jay-Z shooting the breeze. Now, imagine that, in a room full of high powered Hollywood types, the two rappers just so happenned to be caught mid-conversation. What are the odds of that? It would be like a three way conversation between Stephen Spielberg, Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Steisand over pastrami sandwiches at Katz's Deli.

The other was, of course, Sascha Baron Cohen's acceptance speech. I really enjoyed when he started talking about the ugly side of America and baited people into thinking he was making a political statement, and did a complete 180 and discussed the uncomfortable naked scene in the movie. Good stuff. The man is a master manipulator in the best sense of the word and will hopefully get an Oscar to match his globe.

-After doing my best to avoid it for its entire run, I've now become a somewhat of a begrudging Law & Order fan. I probably couldn't watch all three originals each week and don't watch it in reruns, but it's always a solid one hour dose of drama. But, here's my gripe: the use of semi-known actors sort of takes away from some elements of the show. Take last night's SVU. There was a scene where a doctor is being questioned for a string of rapes at his hospital. Now, during that scene, Kal Penn (Harold & Kumar) shows up as a janitor and says one line and that was pretty much it. Now, I know Penn isn't an A list star, but it seemed a bit off that he had such a small role. So, naturally, I assumed it would turn out that he, not the doctor, was the real bad guy. And I deduced this solely on his appearance alone.

I understand the desire to have famous folks make cameos, but things like this just ruin any show where there's any sort of intrigue or mystery.

-Finally, my stomach has been revolting for the last 72 hours. I've tried to stay positive, but everytime I watch TV, I see a damn food commercial. I can only wonder what watching Top Chef is gonna be like under these circumstances. DAMN YOU GUT! YOU DID THIS TO ME!

Change (Or how to drive me absolutely insane in less than 60 seconds)

I hate change. There, I said it. People have often told me that about myself and I scoff it off, but really, it's the truth. Now granted, most changes that I have made or had to make eventually (emphasis on EVENTUALLY) work out well for me, but that doesn't stop me from getting all weird inside when the possibility comes up. Take for example this past weekend: myself and Shira were visiting our friends Seth and Ali in Florida. During the course of our time down there, Seth, real estate agent extraordinare that he is, brought us to see the models for a new set of homes nearby. Now, having scoffed off his many attempts to get me to move to Old Jew Heaven before, this was a big leap from the previous theoretical. And when I saw one of these homes, and saw how nice it was, it became a more realistic option. Almost too realistic, in fact, as I turned pale as a ghost according to Seth and Shira (a feet in and of itself considering my pasty complexion). I brushed off suggestions that this had anything to do with fear of change, but it clearly was a function of that.

I realize change is inevitable. I also realize it's a good thing 9 times out of 10. And I especially realize that now that there are two of us and not just me, I will be up for some big changes over the next few years. And despite my predisposition against change, I am ready to make these changes. Granted, it's not going to be easy, but to quote one of my favorite films, it's sometimes necessary to "shit or get off the pot." Wise words even if they did come from a slacker convenience store clerk.

I'm a petty, petty man

One of the more uncomfortable aspects of planning a wedding is putting together a list of people you know and then dividing them up into lists. Some simply have invite or don't invite lists, while others make "b-lists" for those people who aren't essential to your life, but whose presence at your wedding would be nice. It's a sucky but necessary process and it sucks as much to be on the dividing side as it does to be on the divided side. I was reminded of this recently when I received pictures from a casual acquaintance's wedding to which I wasn't invited. Now, I've never been especially close with this person, but it was still a little annoying to receive these pictures. It was sort of like "You're close enough to me that I don't feel uncomfortable to send these to you, but you're not worth the $100 per person to come to my affair." Granted, I'm sure this person didn't even think of that before sending it, but as the title of this post indicates, I can be awfully petty sometimes.

Needless to say, said person is on my personal "b-list" and will be certain to get many a picture from my wedding, bachelor party, first child's bris, first child's bar mitzvah and my daughter's wedding. And after all that, I'm sure they'll be saying, "Who the hell is the jackass who keeps sending me pictures?"

Not another blog!

For those who've previously read my other blogs, you may be wondering why I found it necessary to start a new blog rather than just continue with the previous ones. To start with, after a while, my other blogs felt more like chores to maintain than any source of joy. Additionally, now that I'm on the ugly side of 30, it does feel a little, shall we say, immature to have a blog with a title that includes the world asshole. Not that I've tailored my use of foul language-heaven forbid!-but I'd rather leave such things not so obviously apparent to the outside world.

Finally, my main goal of the previous blog was to allow myself a space to detail all my superficial opinions which come to me at any given moment. I specifically chose to avoid mentioning personal matters, but as things progressed, it was clear that the advice (or proclamation) given to me by Shira was quite correct: blogs are supposed to be personal, fucker. And seeing as this year shall be a very personal and special one for both of us, I thought it would be a good idea to chronicle it for myself, my friends and family and perhaps my future children and grandchildren who could look back it this and try to understand who the heck I was at this moment in my life.

So, with that, I will return to watching the Jets try to beat the Patriots and welcome you all to the year of Mike!